On Simchat Torah we come to the end of the yearly Torah reading and then start all over again. This always seems nicely timed with the starting of uni, although i’m sure most people were far more excited about hakofas at ACH and Fishel’s party than lectures!
There is a concept in Judaism that time is circular not linear. Just like on Simchat Torah we are not going towards the end but instead each year we return back to the beginning.
I once heard Judaism described like a spiral staircase. We go round and round on the sprirals of the staircase just like the Torah completing it and starting it again each year. Except each year we aim for a higher step on the staircase. When the three of us arrived three or four years ago we were on a much lower step of the staircase in many respects. Over our time here though we have grown so much from the love and nurture we have received from this exceptional community.
ACH is a unique community. The variety of people who attend shul is unseen anywhere else and each person is growing in their own time and own way.
The concept of circular time can also be seen in the hakofas where we dance round in a circle. The Lubavitcher Rebe used to say, ’On Simchat Torah the Torah itself wants to dance but has no feet – we are lifted beyond our individual identities and become the feet of the Torah.’ No difference exists between one Jew and another. The basic commonality that links us all makes us join hands and dance together, oblivious to personal differences that could cause barriers between individuals. This may be the case in all shuls on Simchat Torah but at ACH this is the case the whole year round. Every person who comes here is as important as the next. This is not only the lesson of Simchat Torah but one you can learn from the incredible people here.
And just like there is no limit to what we can learn from the Torah and our staircase of spirituality has no end, we hope our connection here at ACH will be a long and happy one.
Wednesday, 19 October 2011
Yom Kippur
I went to a very powerful shiur on Friday night after kol nidre by Rabbi Rowe and i thought i might share some ideas with you - a nice way to start a clean slate i thought.
I was on, what is atonement? The truth is that we talk about forgiveness and atonement but do we really know what they mean? In fact we use three words for it in the Yom KIppur davening - slach lanu, mahal lanu, karpe lanu - forgive us, pardon us and attone for us . Why do we say three different types of forgiveness and what is the difference?
The first type of forgiveness (slach lanu) is the sort of forgiveness which follows after this sort of mistake, "oh my goodness, ive done something awful, they're gunna kill me, i hope they forgive me" Its the forgiveness you ask for to stop punshiment falling on you. PLease forgive me and don't punish me for what i've done. This forgiveness is fine for small everyday things where you realsie your mistake quickly.
The second is mahal lanu - pardon us. This type of attonement comes after something far greater. "Oh my goodness i can't believe i did that to them. I dont care what the repocutions are on me i just want our relationship repaired to how it was." Its the type of forgiveness where afterwards the person not only forgives you; they no longer have the error in mind at all. Its one thing to forgive someone and another to forget completely what they did and carry on as if its never happened. The first type of forgiveness was for very small things but this is for when a relationship has truly been damaged. It is for us to think how we can repair that relationship. Thinking about the other person and not ourselves and trying to bring the relationship back to where it was. This will take a lot more than just asking for forgiveness.
And finally there is Karpe lanu which seems unecessary. After the first two we have been forgiven, have no punishment and it is as if we never did the sin - so what is left?
Every time we do anything bad the entire world is affected. Anyone who tells you to go and screem into the pillow as it does no damage is wrong - just by releasing negative energy into the world it will change you in a way and have an effect on the world. All we do, good and bad is going to change the world ultimately also. SO the attonement we do for karpe lanu is to try and rectify what we have done, moving the world away from its positive value.
When we asked for forgiveness before Yom Kippur we have to think whether that was enough or whether we have to work to restore our relationships with others so they are in a position to forget it and we are in a position to repair the damage we have done to the world.
Also another Rav (Rabbi Roodin) was talking about why we fast on Yom Kippur. He said on tish bav we fast because we can't eat because we are crying too much. On yom Kippur we fast because our bodies have left us, we are just a soul and a soul has no need for food. I thought that was quite lovely.
I was on, what is atonement? The truth is that we talk about forgiveness and atonement but do we really know what they mean? In fact we use three words for it in the Yom KIppur davening - slach lanu, mahal lanu, karpe lanu - forgive us, pardon us and attone for us . Why do we say three different types of forgiveness and what is the difference?
The first type of forgiveness (slach lanu) is the sort of forgiveness which follows after this sort of mistake, "oh my goodness, ive done something awful, they're gunna kill me, i hope they forgive me" Its the forgiveness you ask for to stop punshiment falling on you. PLease forgive me and don't punish me for what i've done. This forgiveness is fine for small everyday things where you realsie your mistake quickly.
The second is mahal lanu - pardon us. This type of attonement comes after something far greater. "Oh my goodness i can't believe i did that to them. I dont care what the repocutions are on me i just want our relationship repaired to how it was." Its the type of forgiveness where afterwards the person not only forgives you; they no longer have the error in mind at all. Its one thing to forgive someone and another to forget completely what they did and carry on as if its never happened. The first type of forgiveness was for very small things but this is for when a relationship has truly been damaged. It is for us to think how we can repair that relationship. Thinking about the other person and not ourselves and trying to bring the relationship back to where it was. This will take a lot more than just asking for forgiveness.
And finally there is Karpe lanu which seems unecessary. After the first two we have been forgiven, have no punishment and it is as if we never did the sin - so what is left?
Every time we do anything bad the entire world is affected. Anyone who tells you to go and screem into the pillow as it does no damage is wrong - just by releasing negative energy into the world it will change you in a way and have an effect on the world. All we do, good and bad is going to change the world ultimately also. SO the attonement we do for karpe lanu is to try and rectify what we have done, moving the world away from its positive value.
When we asked for forgiveness before Yom Kippur we have to think whether that was enough or whether we have to work to restore our relationships with others so they are in a position to forget it and we are in a position to repair the damage we have done to the world.
Also another Rav (Rabbi Roodin) was talking about why we fast on Yom Kippur. He said on tish bav we fast because we can't eat because we are crying too much. On yom Kippur we fast because our bodies have left us, we are just a soul and a soul has no need for food. I thought that was quite lovely.
Tefilla
I’ve been thinking a lot recently about what prayer really is. In Hebrew the word for prayer is lehitpallel which means to change yourself. In Judaism we have the concept that we recieve answers to our prayers from Hashem not because he grants everything we ask for but because by praying we elevate ourselves and grow in our relationship with Hashem. Now we are on a higher spiritual level we can now also receive the blessing due to that level. Prayer changes the world because it changes us. The world is Hashem’s divine plan but at the same time we have free will. These contradictions also seem oresent in prayer. Hashem has the power to grant whatever is right so why do we ask have to ask in first place? In essence Judaism is all about one very special relationship, between us and Hashem. This partnership can be seen throughout the Torah. For instance the make up of the Torah outlines our partnership in Hashem’s creation. For instance, why do we have the written and the Oral tradition? The written Torah is fixed and given by Hashem but the oral Torah is fluid and we add to it over time. This is our chance to be partners in creation with Hashem.
We can see then that we are just as fundamental to prayer as Hashem. Our actions, intentions and thoughts count just as Hashem’s blessings do. This being the case it is vital to consider how we approach prayer. The Chief Rabbi talks extensively about how we as Jews must have high expectations for ourselves, in fact he claims that the secret to our historical success is that we perform well because Judaism has high expectations of us! In short, “we are as big as the ideals by which we live.” If we live by the highest ideals for ourselves and then that will be what is open to us. Our Rabbis teach us that nothing is beyond Hashem’s capability – he can split the sea and destroy our enemies – but it is for Hashem to decide what is necessary; not what is impossible.
We are taught throughout the Torah to have the highest of all aspirations of ourselves – to eminate Hashem’s ways. The gemara quoted above reveals to us God's ways in the covenant of the Thirteen Attributes: "The Holy One wrapped himself like a shaliach tzibbur." The gemara continues with a practical instruction: "Let them perform this order before Me". God revealed the Thirteen Attributes in order that we may learn from them about His ways, that we may learn how to act.
We should learn from this covenant that every one of us must radiate kindness, mercy and other positive attributes, but his inner essence should remain "enwrapped." A person's presence should be felt: he need not nullify or hide himself; he must act and achieve, but he should do so without advertising his own self, his personality. When a person sins, when he feels depressed or despairing, "Let them perform this order before Me" – every person should consider himself a shaliach tzibbur, and radiate a sense of emulating God's attributes.
A fundamental character trait mandated in Judaism is always judging one's fellow man favorably - being "dan le-kaf zechut". According to many commentators, this is explicitly commanded in the Torah: "Judge your fellow righteously" (b'tzedek tishpot amitecha - Vayikra 19:15). It is also mentioned in Pirkei Avot (1:6): "Tilt the scales of judgment in every man's favor" (heve dan kol adam le-kaf zechut
Some Hasidic literature emphasizes a further aspect of the "tikkun" or rectification implicit in positive judgment. Rav Nachman of Breslav says: "Even someone who seems (God forbid) to be completely wicked, we have to seek in him a little bit of goodness, one aspect of his being in which he is not wicked. And by virtue of this, that he finds in him some good and judges him favorably - he in fact elevates him to a favorable judgment, and can bring him to full repentance this way!" (Likutei Etzot, Tochecha p. 16).
This seems quite strange - how can we bring anyone else to full repentance? As a rule, one has not done "teshuva" until he fully recognizes his transgressions. Indeed, for this reason the Rema writes that a doubtful transgression is more serious than a certain one; since a person is not convinced that he acted improperly, he is unlikely to repent adequately (Orach Chaim 603:1). Yet Rav Nachman informs us that we bring about full repentance by mitigating the offender's transgressions in our own minds!
The simple "psychological" understanding of Rav Nachman's words is that a person has no incentive to repent if he is convinced that he has a wicked nature. "Teshuva" means "Returning," and therefore it may be appropriate only for a righteous person who lapsed and wants to "return" to his true self. By convincing the transgressor that he is not so bad after all, we give him the appropriate motivation for changing his behavior. But the emphasis of Rav Nachman is not on convincing the sinner - Rav Nachman stressed the need to convince ourselves! How is this supposed to elevate the actions of the wicked?
The answer to this question can be related to the solution of another puzzle. The past is irrevocable, so it should be impossible to change our past actions. Yet our sages inform us (Yoma 86b) that repentance can transform one's sins into merits. While we can understand that God will "wipe the slate clean" for someone who has sincerely repented, how can we say that God will transmute bad into good?
One possible answer is that the idea of "sin" or "merit" is not limited to the narrow calculus of whether the action is permissible or forbidden, but to the much larger question of whether it is ultimately a constructive or destructive act. This depends in part on our perception; the same act viewed as negative from one perspective may, from a different point of view, appear positive. And positive consequences of an act may far outweigh its direct destructive influences.
Part of positive judgment, and part of teshuva, involves the creation of a new outlook on past actions, as well as molding future behavior. Past misdeeds should be assimilated and reconciled until they are conceived as part of the process which led to the current state of loving God. Ideally, the new outlook not only accepts that "everything is for the good", but is also able to perceive that "good is in everything".
We can see then that we are just as fundamental to prayer as Hashem. Our actions, intentions and thoughts count just as Hashem’s blessings do. This being the case it is vital to consider how we approach prayer. The Chief Rabbi talks extensively about how we as Jews must have high expectations for ourselves, in fact he claims that the secret to our historical success is that we perform well because Judaism has high expectations of us! In short, “we are as big as the ideals by which we live.” If we live by the highest ideals for ourselves and then that will be what is open to us. Our Rabbis teach us that nothing is beyond Hashem’s capability – he can split the sea and destroy our enemies – but it is for Hashem to decide what is necessary; not what is impossible.
We are taught throughout the Torah to have the highest of all aspirations of ourselves – to eminate Hashem’s ways. The gemara quoted above reveals to us God's ways in the covenant of the Thirteen Attributes: "The Holy One wrapped himself like a shaliach tzibbur." The gemara continues with a practical instruction: "Let them perform this order before Me". God revealed the Thirteen Attributes in order that we may learn from them about His ways, that we may learn how to act.
We should learn from this covenant that every one of us must radiate kindness, mercy and other positive attributes, but his inner essence should remain "enwrapped." A person's presence should be felt: he need not nullify or hide himself; he must act and achieve, but he should do so without advertising his own self, his personality. When a person sins, when he feels depressed or despairing, "Let them perform this order before Me" – every person should consider himself a shaliach tzibbur, and radiate a sense of emulating God's attributes.
A fundamental character trait mandated in Judaism is always judging one's fellow man favorably - being "dan le-kaf zechut". According to many commentators, this is explicitly commanded in the Torah: "Judge your fellow righteously" (b'tzedek tishpot amitecha - Vayikra 19:15). It is also mentioned in Pirkei Avot (1:6): "Tilt the scales of judgment in every man's favor" (heve dan kol adam le-kaf zechut
Some Hasidic literature emphasizes a further aspect of the "tikkun" or rectification implicit in positive judgment. Rav Nachman of Breslav says: "Even someone who seems (God forbid) to be completely wicked, we have to seek in him a little bit of goodness, one aspect of his being in which he is not wicked. And by virtue of this, that he finds in him some good and judges him favorably - he in fact elevates him to a favorable judgment, and can bring him to full repentance this way!" (Likutei Etzot, Tochecha p. 16).
This seems quite strange - how can we bring anyone else to full repentance? As a rule, one has not done "teshuva" until he fully recognizes his transgressions. Indeed, for this reason the Rema writes that a doubtful transgression is more serious than a certain one; since a person is not convinced that he acted improperly, he is unlikely to repent adequately (Orach Chaim 603:1). Yet Rav Nachman informs us that we bring about full repentance by mitigating the offender's transgressions in our own minds!
The simple "psychological" understanding of Rav Nachman's words is that a person has no incentive to repent if he is convinced that he has a wicked nature. "Teshuva" means "Returning," and therefore it may be appropriate only for a righteous person who lapsed and wants to "return" to his true self. By convincing the transgressor that he is not so bad after all, we give him the appropriate motivation for changing his behavior. But the emphasis of Rav Nachman is not on convincing the sinner - Rav Nachman stressed the need to convince ourselves! How is this supposed to elevate the actions of the wicked?
The answer to this question can be related to the solution of another puzzle. The past is irrevocable, so it should be impossible to change our past actions. Yet our sages inform us (Yoma 86b) that repentance can transform one's sins into merits. While we can understand that God will "wipe the slate clean" for someone who has sincerely repented, how can we say that God will transmute bad into good?
One possible answer is that the idea of "sin" or "merit" is not limited to the narrow calculus of whether the action is permissible or forbidden, but to the much larger question of whether it is ultimately a constructive or destructive act. This depends in part on our perception; the same act viewed as negative from one perspective may, from a different point of view, appear positive. And positive consequences of an act may far outweigh its direct destructive influences.
Part of positive judgment, and part of teshuva, involves the creation of a new outlook on past actions, as well as molding future behavior. Past misdeeds should be assimilated and reconciled until they are conceived as part of the process which led to the current state of loving God. Ideally, the new outlook not only accepts that "everything is for the good", but is also able to perceive that "good is in everything".
Nitzavim
So in this weeks parsha (Nitzavim) the opening words are “ atem nitzavim hayom kulchem lifnei Hashem Elokim” You are standing today all of you before Hashem your G-d. The gematria of these words is the equivalent to La’amod l’selichos’ – to stand before G-d and seek forgiveness. During the year we run so fast from activity to activity and sometimes so fast that we forget why we are running and what are lives are all about. But on the day of judgement we are commanded to stand still and examine our hearts.
The first thing that i was thinking is very significant with this is the idea of standing still and taking a reckoning of what we are doing with our lives. It is kind of the same sensation you have with Shabbat. Why are we commanded to stop once a week? Says Rav Dovid Pinca z”l that only once did the world stop - "When Hasem gave the Torah no winged creature flew, no cow mooed, the sea didn’t sway, people didn’t speak. Rather the world was completely silent and a voice rang out: “I am Hashem, your G-d...” " It is not that the world had to be quiet so they could hear Hashem, Hashem’s message is always loud and clear, his presence is always in the world. But rather we are too preoccupied to even notice. Like a subject who visits a king in his castle. The castle has such beautiful painting and architecture and music that the subject doesn’t notice the king in the room with him. So the king announces for everyone to stop what they are doing and go home and suddenly the room notices the king. We are very drawn in by the world and all the physical pleasure we see and the world deters us from noticing Hashem. This is the essence of Shabbos. On a weekday we run around in the bustle of life but on Shabbos we experience cessastion and are alone with Hashem. My experience in India really taught me that on Shabbat you need some time to really stop and be alone with Hashem and the same thing is true with davening. We must stop and realise before whom we are standing.
I learnt a few years ago with my mum a book on all the different brachot of the Shmoneh esrei and the most powerful for me was the first two lines when we ask Hashem to open lips and for us to pray properly. This is the whole essence to my davening and if the first 2 lines go wrong for me im done for! But not even in the words lies the beauty but in the movement of your feet. Why do we do so much ‘foot work’ in our davening?! The three steps back are supposed to represent drawing ourselves out of this world imagining leaving the domain of here and now – sort of like the three wafts you do with your hands over the Shabbat candles before Shabbos. Then when you move forward you imagine yourself moving into the courtyard of Hashem. Why three steps though? There are many explanantions but my favourite comes from Moshe Rabbeinu when he ascended Sinai. As he approached Hashem he moved through three mediums. Firstly he stepped through wind and rain, then through fog and then through very thick fog until he was with Hashem. Likewise when we take our own three steps forward, i try and imagine going through those three mediums and then reaching Hashem at the end of it. As I was saying in most shuls there is written on the Aron the words, know before whom you are standing and i think this is the key. You are not talking to yourself or doing self reflection you are literally standing before Hashem and no davening can have the deepest connection without this thought.
Standing before Hashem having the same gematria as the words of Selichos i think is also so powerful. We have been granted the most amazing gift of selichos and we must truly believe in the power of this awesome gift. It may seem daunting but at the same time we are told in the same parsha that ‘the commandaments i command you today are near to you’ the covernent is embedded in our souls and we can take that journey to Sinai every time we call upon Hashem sincerely.
Not only that but the parsha says that ‘all of you’ are standing before Hashem and then goes on to name who that is. But why name each individual group and ‘all of us’. The answer is simple, we are all responsible for one another and our destinies are intertwined. As i love to quote, ‘an injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere’. We are like a body – although we are separate parts we make one whole which cannot function without each other. The same is true of our davening. We pray in the plural ‘shma koleinu’ hear our voices and so on. We must look after ourselves as a community and as individuals. And so even more powerful should our prayer be because we are all standing alone with HAshem but at the same time we are all doing it together
The first thing that i was thinking is very significant with this is the idea of standing still and taking a reckoning of what we are doing with our lives. It is kind of the same sensation you have with Shabbat. Why are we commanded to stop once a week? Says Rav Dovid Pinca z”l that only once did the world stop - "When Hasem gave the Torah no winged creature flew, no cow mooed, the sea didn’t sway, people didn’t speak. Rather the world was completely silent and a voice rang out: “I am Hashem, your G-d...” " It is not that the world had to be quiet so they could hear Hashem, Hashem’s message is always loud and clear, his presence is always in the world. But rather we are too preoccupied to even notice. Like a subject who visits a king in his castle. The castle has such beautiful painting and architecture and music that the subject doesn’t notice the king in the room with him. So the king announces for everyone to stop what they are doing and go home and suddenly the room notices the king. We are very drawn in by the world and all the physical pleasure we see and the world deters us from noticing Hashem. This is the essence of Shabbos. On a weekday we run around in the bustle of life but on Shabbos we experience cessastion and are alone with Hashem. My experience in India really taught me that on Shabbat you need some time to really stop and be alone with Hashem and the same thing is true with davening. We must stop and realise before whom we are standing.
I learnt a few years ago with my mum a book on all the different brachot of the Shmoneh esrei and the most powerful for me was the first two lines when we ask Hashem to open lips and for us to pray properly. This is the whole essence to my davening and if the first 2 lines go wrong for me im done for! But not even in the words lies the beauty but in the movement of your feet. Why do we do so much ‘foot work’ in our davening?! The three steps back are supposed to represent drawing ourselves out of this world imagining leaving the domain of here and now – sort of like the three wafts you do with your hands over the Shabbat candles before Shabbos. Then when you move forward you imagine yourself moving into the courtyard of Hashem. Why three steps though? There are many explanantions but my favourite comes from Moshe Rabbeinu when he ascended Sinai. As he approached Hashem he moved through three mediums. Firstly he stepped through wind and rain, then through fog and then through very thick fog until he was with Hashem. Likewise when we take our own three steps forward, i try and imagine going through those three mediums and then reaching Hashem at the end of it. As I was saying in most shuls there is written on the Aron the words, know before whom you are standing and i think this is the key. You are not talking to yourself or doing self reflection you are literally standing before Hashem and no davening can have the deepest connection without this thought.
Standing before Hashem having the same gematria as the words of Selichos i think is also so powerful. We have been granted the most amazing gift of selichos and we must truly believe in the power of this awesome gift. It may seem daunting but at the same time we are told in the same parsha that ‘the commandaments i command you today are near to you’ the covernent is embedded in our souls and we can take that journey to Sinai every time we call upon Hashem sincerely.
Not only that but the parsha says that ‘all of you’ are standing before Hashem and then goes on to name who that is. But why name each individual group and ‘all of us’. The answer is simple, we are all responsible for one another and our destinies are intertwined. As i love to quote, ‘an injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere’. We are like a body – although we are separate parts we make one whole which cannot function without each other. The same is true of our davening. We pray in the plural ‘shma koleinu’ hear our voices and so on. We must look after ourselves as a community and as individuals. And so even more powerful should our prayer be because we are all standing alone with HAshem but at the same time we are all doing it together
Yarzeit 5771
This Sunday marks the yarzeit of my dear father, may he rest in peace. I therefore dedicate this learning to the elevation of my father’s neshama, Shmuel Nehamia ben Eliyahu z”l.
Growing up as a ‘Grainger’ in Leeds was always an experience, for the simple reason that having the surname ‘Grainger’ automatically linked you to my father. Known to most of the community – my father was a real ‘macher’ known for not only his involvement in the community but also for his great chesed. To his close friends they would say that he had many ‘Selwynisms’ – those things that when something still happens today they say ‘Selwyn would have said that’. He was one of those men who even if you were not fortunate to know him, you knew there was something great about him. Being called ‘Grainger’ to me is truly an honour and a name I can only hope to aspire to live up to.
My father though, after my brother and I were both born, referred to himself by a different name. He once made a remark to my mother that he should now be called Avraham as he had had more children at an older age. He was certainly like Avraham in quite another way. From a young age I watched my father practising acts of chesed. Whether it was setting family up in business and homes, raising money for Shul and charities or being a support for his friends – it was always done with a modest subtlety that alludes many. For me it was an even greater feat knowing his inner battles with his health and the struggles he faced in his final years.
Although chesed means kindness it specifically connotes the loving kindness with which Hashem created the world, “The world was built with Chesed” (Psalms 89:3). It is further explained in Kabbalah that Chsesed is the reason for creation itself – so that Hashem could have something to bestow his kindness on. During the month of Tammuz however we see some of the hardest things to reconcile with the notion that Hashem wants to bestow kindness upon us – the very worst events in Jewish history happened in this month culminating with Tisha b’Av.
Each month, it is written, brings with it a certain letter and talent which both represent and can be used to explain and rectify that month. Those referring to Tammuz are the letter Chet and the sense of light (Sefer Yetzirah). The first letter Chet and the first mention of sight in the Torah occur in the first four verses of Genesis (1: 2-4)
And the Earth was chaos and void and darkness (choshech) was upon the face of the deep…G-d said let there be light and there was light. G-d saw the light and that it was good”
There is no coincidence here that the first mention of seeing in the Torah also mentions light - after all don’t we always need light to be able to see? But the first mention of the letter Chet is in reference to darkness. How then can the rectification of the month of Tammuz require us to both see but be in darkness?
One of the core principles of creation is that our deepest growth occurs not as a smooth, problem-free journey but instead it happens in a pattern of ‘light-darkness-light’. Often when you have a goal or task that you want to complete you begin overly excited and in anticipation of what you can achieve. Along the way however you are invariably going to run into stumbling blocks and difficulties and only if you persevere and get to the end will you achieve not only your goal but you will have grown and transformed yourself along the way.
Let’s look at Moshe to try and understand this fully. Moshe underwent this very procedure when he spent 40 days with Hashem learning the inner secrets of Torah on Har Sinai. During this time, Moshe had been given a set of tablets which he was to deliver to the Jewish people. Hashem had mystically made and written these tablets himself. On journeying back to Am Yisrael though, Moshe was confronted by his own people who were worshipping a golden calf. Moshe did not give in here on seeing such a failing of the Jewish people, rather he returned to Har Sinai. However these tablets that Hashem had made himself had been destroyed with the Golden Calf. The second time that he ascended Sinai, Moshe had to carve the set of tablets himself.
Moshe had gone in with great intentions and aspirations but met enormous obstacles on the way. It would have been easier for him maybe just to give in on seeing what some of the Jewish people had done, but instead he persevered and saw what he could achieve at the end if he continued. Hashem had provided him with a source of light but in the end it was Moshe who had to create the vessel to hold it in.
This idea that the light has always been here but we have to work to create the vessels to hold it in can be beautifully seen in the words of Psalm 92:
“It is good to thank Hashem and to sing praises to Your name O exalted one. To relate Your kindness in the dawn and Your faith in the nights.”
It is easy in the light of day to see Hashem’s kindness but in the nights when it is dark we must have faith that this is also for the good. This is the rectification of the month of Tammuz – to see in the dark. There are two kinds of love and kindness we can ‘see’ in the month of Tammuz. The first is the revealed good – where it is easy to see Hashem’s miracles. The second is the concealed good, where through our stumbling we learn as a people to absorb lessons for our life and develop our own personal relationship with Hashem and grow to greater heights than we ever could have before. For only when we can strive to turn darkness into light can we appreciate this month of Tammuz.
My father is a striking example of turning darkness into light. No one would have blamed him for complaining about his lot and his hard life. When I think of the suffering he faced it defies me as to how he always had such a smile on his face. Yet he saw through his darkness and turned it into a springboard for chesed. He was never a defeatist but someone who looked at history and told me to learn from it and to go and write my own. That is the true chesed we can repay Hashem, to make a tikkun in the world in our own way, to not give in to the challenges in our lives but to grow from them and have faith that this Tammuz can be transformed into one of abundant light and blessing.
Growing up as a ‘Grainger’ in Leeds was always an experience, for the simple reason that having the surname ‘Grainger’ automatically linked you to my father. Known to most of the community – my father was a real ‘macher’ known for not only his involvement in the community but also for his great chesed. To his close friends they would say that he had many ‘Selwynisms’ – those things that when something still happens today they say ‘Selwyn would have said that’. He was one of those men who even if you were not fortunate to know him, you knew there was something great about him. Being called ‘Grainger’ to me is truly an honour and a name I can only hope to aspire to live up to.
My father though, after my brother and I were both born, referred to himself by a different name. He once made a remark to my mother that he should now be called Avraham as he had had more children at an older age. He was certainly like Avraham in quite another way. From a young age I watched my father practising acts of chesed. Whether it was setting family up in business and homes, raising money for Shul and charities or being a support for his friends – it was always done with a modest subtlety that alludes many. For me it was an even greater feat knowing his inner battles with his health and the struggles he faced in his final years.
Although chesed means kindness it specifically connotes the loving kindness with which Hashem created the world, “The world was built with Chesed” (Psalms 89:3). It is further explained in Kabbalah that Chsesed is the reason for creation itself – so that Hashem could have something to bestow his kindness on. During the month of Tammuz however we see some of the hardest things to reconcile with the notion that Hashem wants to bestow kindness upon us – the very worst events in Jewish history happened in this month culminating with Tisha b’Av.
Each month, it is written, brings with it a certain letter and talent which both represent and can be used to explain and rectify that month. Those referring to Tammuz are the letter Chet and the sense of light (Sefer Yetzirah). The first letter Chet and the first mention of sight in the Torah occur in the first four verses of Genesis (1: 2-4)
And the Earth was chaos and void and darkness (choshech) was upon the face of the deep…G-d said let there be light and there was light. G-d saw the light and that it was good”
There is no coincidence here that the first mention of seeing in the Torah also mentions light - after all don’t we always need light to be able to see? But the first mention of the letter Chet is in reference to darkness. How then can the rectification of the month of Tammuz require us to both see but be in darkness?
One of the core principles of creation is that our deepest growth occurs not as a smooth, problem-free journey but instead it happens in a pattern of ‘light-darkness-light’. Often when you have a goal or task that you want to complete you begin overly excited and in anticipation of what you can achieve. Along the way however you are invariably going to run into stumbling blocks and difficulties and only if you persevere and get to the end will you achieve not only your goal but you will have grown and transformed yourself along the way.
Let’s look at Moshe to try and understand this fully. Moshe underwent this very procedure when he spent 40 days with Hashem learning the inner secrets of Torah on Har Sinai. During this time, Moshe had been given a set of tablets which he was to deliver to the Jewish people. Hashem had mystically made and written these tablets himself. On journeying back to Am Yisrael though, Moshe was confronted by his own people who were worshipping a golden calf. Moshe did not give in here on seeing such a failing of the Jewish people, rather he returned to Har Sinai. However these tablets that Hashem had made himself had been destroyed with the Golden Calf. The second time that he ascended Sinai, Moshe had to carve the set of tablets himself.
Moshe had gone in with great intentions and aspirations but met enormous obstacles on the way. It would have been easier for him maybe just to give in on seeing what some of the Jewish people had done, but instead he persevered and saw what he could achieve at the end if he continued. Hashem had provided him with a source of light but in the end it was Moshe who had to create the vessel to hold it in.
This idea that the light has always been here but we have to work to create the vessels to hold it in can be beautifully seen in the words of Psalm 92:
“It is good to thank Hashem and to sing praises to Your name O exalted one. To relate Your kindness in the dawn and Your faith in the nights.”
It is easy in the light of day to see Hashem’s kindness but in the nights when it is dark we must have faith that this is also for the good. This is the rectification of the month of Tammuz – to see in the dark. There are two kinds of love and kindness we can ‘see’ in the month of Tammuz. The first is the revealed good – where it is easy to see Hashem’s miracles. The second is the concealed good, where through our stumbling we learn as a people to absorb lessons for our life and develop our own personal relationship with Hashem and grow to greater heights than we ever could have before. For only when we can strive to turn darkness into light can we appreciate this month of Tammuz.
My father is a striking example of turning darkness into light. No one would have blamed him for complaining about his lot and his hard life. When I think of the suffering he faced it defies me as to how he always had such a smile on his face. Yet he saw through his darkness and turned it into a springboard for chesed. He was never a defeatist but someone who looked at history and told me to learn from it and to go and write my own. That is the true chesed we can repay Hashem, to make a tikkun in the world in our own way, to not give in to the challenges in our lives but to grow from them and have faith that this Tammuz can be transformed into one of abundant light and blessing.
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